| Logs |
1999-11-18
| Starfall |
| Realms |
Retired
| Reality Fault |
General Info
 |
Reconciliation
- Command Crew Cabin of the Saucy Mare
The cabin is cramped and small, but well-equipped with the luxury of a tiny fold-down table and two chairs. Each side wall sports two tight, inset bunks and a locker apiece. There's the added luxury of a porthole window, and a tiny lantern swings slowly back and forth with the ship's movement overhead.
The blackness becomes gray, and the empty silence filled with the repetitive creaking of the ship. Alexandra rests in a sturdy bunk, a blanket tucked up about her. Soft light slips in, dim, from a half shuttered window. It takes a heartbeat for the dampness on her head to be identified as a cool cloth, and Dimitri is a silhouette of black cast in shadows.
Alexandra groans softly, still groggy and coming out of it slowly. Old, self-protective habits kick in -- horses don't loom over you, dogs drool on you -- so whatever's looming over her isn't something she wants near her! She draws a sharp breath and without stopping to think one small fist lashes out hard and fast at the black silhouette -- then she swallows suddenly, her eyes widening -- and abruptly flips over, half-falling and half-scrabbling out of bed. Dimitri's muzzle rocks back, her strike more determined than effective. Her brother just shakes his head, shaking off the blow, before his hand reaches out to gently but firmly settle her back to bed. If she scrambles out, however, he just steps a bit around to keep between the window's light and her. He speaks, his voice oddly quiet, or at least quieter than she had ever heard it before. "It's just me. No... no need for scrambling..."
Alexandra ends up kneeling by the slops bucket, retching and holding her stomach as she loses her last meal. Dimitri kneels next to her, one hand on her arm steadying, the damp cloth in one hand if she should wish. He waits, patient, until she regains her balance. Alexandra finally stops being ill and becomes more aware of her surroundings... she spits, still gagging a bit, and grabs the cloth from Dimitri without looking at him to wipe her face clean... she sags tiredly against the wall as she does so, turning away from her brother. Finally she glances down at the rag, then throws it away from her and curls up against the wall, her arms still around her stomach and her face turned away, resting on her knees. The rag's a mess.
Dimitri doesn't look at her, keeps his head turned away, his silhouetted form a flat and completely sable profile. He waits, quiet, thinking. One long heartbeat, two, maybe three. "Alex... Alex... what... what... do you believe happened?"
Alexandra sniffles, rubbing her face with one hand, and blurts out muffledly, "You HIT me! What do you THINK happened?!" She mutters, "...what a stupid question..." to herself, then curls up more tightly, trying not to sniffle any more.
Dimitri shakes his head, quiet. "You called for no quarter. Then you let down your guard... do you... I... I had no choice, Alex."
Alexandra is silent for a while, then says flatly, "I said I didn't want you to play nice, Dimitri. Don't know where you heard what you heard. And of course I let down my guard... we were stopping." Her voice is bitter as she adds, "I trusted you." In a furious rush of words she snarls, "If you don't want to train me any more, just SAY so, okay?!" She curls up more tightly around her mid-section again, wincing slightly, and rubs her turned-away face roughly.
Dimitri shakes his head, once again. "Stars and seas, I wish, I really wish I was Carroll right now. He knows words. Always did. Me, I just know the truth of steel and blood, Alex, and that's it. I can't play nice, not with you, Alex, don't you see? There's just you and me and out there, out there when it's a choice between you going home or someone else. They don't play fair; they can't be trusted..." He takes a breath.
Alexandra growls flatly to herself, "I wouldn't BE here if you were Carroll..."
Dimitri continues, searching for words. "...the fight never ends when it's convenient. It never does... never. And if I were Carroll and training you, Alex, between me and you they'd be fishing a St. Genevieve body out of the sea." Then he stops. And when he continues, he instead questions her, "Alex, what's the most important thing in the world to you?" He turns his head, to finally look at her.
Alexandra whips her head around to stare at Dimitri in shock, "Dimitri! How could you say that about Carroll?! He's a St. Genevieve -- not a common thug!"
Dimitri looks back, serious. "But Carroll doesn't wear three campaign rings from service with the Lady Blackpool Marines. He has never smelled the copper of blood in the air. And if all we had was him to train you... it wouldn't be good enough... Alex, what is the most important thing in the world to you?" He's turned, and the black fur of his muzzle glistens in the soft light. Soaked. Alexandra pins her ears back in irritation and opens her mouth to retort hotly -- then goes quiet and still for a moment, her ears coming forward almost reluctantly. Dimitri looks back, quiet. "Is it the Family's honor, Alex?"
Alexandra says, "I..." She studies Dimitri, her expression puzzled, then nods silently... after a moment she adds hesitantly, "Um... did I uh... hit you in the eye or something, Dimitri?"
Dimitri leans back against the wall, and closes his eyes, once again caught in shadow. "No."
Alexandra sits silently for a moment, then shifts around a bit to rise. She draws her breath in sharply at an incautious movement, bracing one arm across her stomach and leaning a bit against the wall... then carefully walks into the shadow around her brother. Her light finger touch is gentle against the damp fur on his muzzle, and her voice is very soft, almost wondering, "Are you... crying, Mitya? What's wrong?"
Dimitri just looks forward, quiet. "I'm... I'm... trying to explain, yes? There must be something. Something so valuable to you that you'd do anything... anything... to make sure that it was safe, like family honor perhaps, that even if it meant doing something you never wanted to but just had to, to maintain that honor, you'd do it even if it meant you'd be hated and outcast from the rest of us, but you'd do it anyway just because it was the right thing to do? You'd do it anyways, right? Except... except... except for me it isn't the family's honor... understand?"
Alexandra looks down at herself, then pulls a hankie from a back pocket. She leans against Dimitri, standing on tiptoe and trying to wipe his face while still holding her stomach. Her voice is quietly calm, "How could we cast out a family member, Dimitri? Especially you, silly... even when you and daddy fought the worst and hurt each other with words, you still always tried to do the right thing. You always do." She smiles a little shakily, "Why d'you think I... tagged around after you all the time?"
Dimitri nods quietly. He winces a bit almost reflexively when she first tries to dry the tears, but then he lets her, relaxing his guard. "I... I could live with many things, Alexandra. I could live with being kicked out of the family. I could even live with you hating me. But I couldn't live with you getting hurt... getting hurt because I didn't train you well enough. Getting hurt because you thought the fight was over and the skunk splayed out on the deck didn't agree and gutted you... because I didn't teach you right."
Alexandra pauses for a moment, listening... then sighs softly, "Ohh... that's why you hit me..." She's silent again for a moment, thinking, then says quietly, "Mitya... why didn't you just tell me that, first? If I hadn't listened, I could see hitting me... but..." her voice has a touch of hurt in it, "-but I'm your sister, Mitya, not some... some thoughtless new cadet that feels I have to prove myself by hurting someone else, you know?" She takes a breath, adding more pragmatically, "And how am I supposed to train with you now, if the fight's not over 'til someone's knocked out? I don't want to train with you like that -- until someone's damaged." She suddenly wraps her arms around as much of Dimitri as she can reach, hugging him tightly. Her face is pressed against his chest as she adds with muffled fierceness, "You are NOT getting kicked out of the family either, so you can just stop talking like that!"
Dimitri shakes his head, quiet, and then he urfs at the hug's exuberance, easily wrapping his big arms about her, strong and caring and always there for her. "But that's why... that's exactly why. You are my sister. You are not some fresh cadet... Alex, don't you realize, this is real. The next time you draw steel it's going to be to kill somebody. And more important, they are going to want to kill you and they'll do anything, anything to do it. Do you realize Blackpool's Marines loses seven out of ten fresh cadets before their first year is out? And these are professionals, they come from families who have trained them since they could pick up a sword. Alex... Alex... I only..." Dimitri swallows, "I only have one sister, Alex. I couldn't stand losing her."
Alexandra sighs softly, closing her eyes and relaxing against Dimitri as she hugs him. She smiles slightly, and murmurs softly, "Okay... I won't get lost, Mitya..." She sighs again and murmurs, "I thought... I thought you were angry with me or something..."
Dimitri nods quietly. "No. Never. Not angry with you. You did real well."
Alexandra smiles again, still leaning against Dimitri... and then he can feel some of the relaxation slipping away as she starts thinking again. She adds, "So... how do we stop a practice bout?"
Dimitri softly whispers, quiet. "It doesn't stop until we both agree. One of us calls for a hold and the other accepts it. Yes, from now on we will be getting hurt, both of us. But you can trust me that I won't smash your head in. Just like I trust you. And you will. You will get some good hits in on me. Because you need to learn what that is like too."
Alexandra tightens up a little, but doesn't stop leaning against Dimitri. In a low voice she says, "I... don't want to hurt you, Mitya. Why do we have to do that part on you? Why can't I... wait?"
Dimitri takes a long breath. "Because you have to know. You have to know so you don't get surprised. So it's a reflex that when you strike you mean to hit. If there is even a heartbeat's pause in your attack because you would never really want to hurt Dimitri, or a moment of surprise in your defense because Dimitri never really, really was going to hurt you... in a melee if you waited it would be too late."
Alexandra says, "But isn't it different in a real fight? I wouldn't be facing you then, right? So... wouldn't that be enough?" She sounds a bit wistfully resigned... like she knows she's not getting out of this one.
Dimitri tightens the hug, resting his muzzle atop her head. "I wish I could say that was the case, Alex, I really do. But the truth of the matter is that it is different. But it's so different from practice that it can't even be imagined. Even the best plans fall apart the moment the other side draws their swords. The noise, the confusion, the desperation, slipping on someone's guts, feeling the taste of steel in your arm for the first time, that is going to be enough of a handicap no matter how well I trained you. We... we... this is serious Alex, we can't afford to let anything else somehow dull your reflexes." He tilts his head, quiet. "Do you... do you really believe I like the thought of hurting you?"
Alexandra shivers slightly, and hugs tightly. A little uncertainly she says, "Mitya... promise me please that you won't do... do anything... anything reckless in a fight, just 'cause I'm there?"
Dimitri smiles quietly and flickers one ear so its bright gold rings jangle. "Didn't earn three campaign rings by being a stupid fox."
Alexandra sighs and hugs tightly again, still worried but somewhat reassured regardless... she thinks for a while, curled up against Dimitri, then grins in sudden rue, tilting her head back against his chest to look up at him, "Let me guess... you're patiently waiting for me to realize this is a get-back-on-the-horse moment, right? Like daddy always said -- if you get thrown you have to get right back on?"
Dimitri shakes his head. "No. I know you would do that. This is when I patiently wait for you to realize that... that... that the only reason big brother would do anything is because he honestly believes it is the very best for you, no matter how much it hurts. Because he loves his bratling sister."
Alexandra sighs softly again, curling up a little more tightly in relief against her brother, inhaling his reassuring and familiar scent, and murmurs, "I know... it just... took me a bit. But you don't have to... to be worried like that, Mitya -- you can tell me what you want. You know I'll do my best to get it right, and that I'll understand why you're doing what you're doing, as long as I know what you want, right? I mean... I -- I want you to be proud of me. But tell me please, okay? So I know why what's happening is happening?" She smiles faintly, her face tucked against Dimitri's chest, and almost as an afterthought murmurs the practically required stock answer from childhood, "Am not a brat..." She giggles softly.
Dimitri nods "Fair enough." A heartbeat's pause. "Brat." A second pause. "And I am."
Alexandra says, "Am what?"
Dimitri shrugs his shoulders, once. "Proud of you." Alexandra blinks... then blushes and hugs very tightly, suddenly too overcome with shyness to actually look at Dimitri or say anything. Dimitri waits the perfect number of heartbeats before he gently ruffles her ears. "Come on, let's get you back on deck, sir."
Alexandra nods, her ears still at a shyly pleased tilt, and straightens, "Okay. Um, Dimitri?"
Dimitri looks down, "Yes?"
Alexandra glances up sideways, still faintly blushing, her voice both pleased and a little uncertain, "Um... thanks? Um..." she hastily changes the subject, "I um... we should go now, yes?"
Dimitri nods an answer, quiet and simple, sparing her any more embarrassment. "You are welcome, and yes I think so." Alexandra tucks one small paw into his, and leans against him heavily (for her) for just a moment... then, still smiling, she straightens and heads for the door.