| Logs |
2000-04-12
| Starfall |
| Realms |
Retired
| Reality Fault |
General Info
 |
"The Tumult & the Shouting Dies..."
The ride home from the Levee is quiet... too quiet. A few attempts to start light conversation die quickly. It isn't until the siblings are back and heading to their cabins that the real concern is voiced.
Alex will ask her brothers to wait with her in the captain's cabin for Dimitri's return, "He must have a good reason for his behavior! We should at least ask him before we get angry or anything, right?"
- The Captain's Cabin on the Saucy Mare
The cabin is a marvel of clever usage of too little space. The comfortable bunk is set into the wall, with a sea chest beneath, while the small, enclosed lamp swings slowly overhead with the sway of the ship. A small rolltop desk/table faces into the room, and there's the added luxury of a fairly large porthole.
Horatio fidgets with the collar to his uniform, loosening it slightly. "Well, uhm, I would agree, I mean, it was a surprise, but, er... well... uhm..." He manages to loosen his collar to a slightly more comfortable circumference and sighs a little, leaning against one wall of Carroll's cabin. A soft clink from his satchel reminds him of the Duke's comments to him, about how, well, odd that image must have been.
Carroll sits down at the tiny desk and flips through a couple of things before he looks up and asks Alex, "Alex, do you understand why what happened today?" Alex shakes her head unhappily.
Carroll nods and murrs, "I don't either." He looks across the room at nothing, and asks, "Do you think I handled Miriam badly?"
Alex looks blank for a second, then blinks... then sighs and shakes her head, "I don't know, Carroll. I don't know what's going on here." Horatio blinks, perking his ears. Miriam?
Carroll murrs, "I don't either, Alexandra. I don't understand him at all." He gets out a little slate and a piece of chalk and begins to write something, almost idly, and murrs, "We'll have to wait and see what he says, I guess."
Alex opens her mouth to say something... pauses... then weakly finishes, "Well... I'm sure he'll have an excellent explanation when he returns? I told Jared to tell him he should report to the captain's cabin when he returned?"
Horatio says, "Well, uhm, I'm sure there's... ah, yes, that Alex is right, that there is an explanation. I mean, you don't get a violent subsumption in the crucible with essence of iron without something reacting to it, right?" He pauses a moment, then grimaces slightly. "Er... never mind, sorry..." He mentally berates himself for letting laboratory-talk creep again into his daily conversation. Alex grins tiredly at him.
Jared knocks on the door, and at Carroll's "Come in," opens the door and sticks his head in. "Captain? He's back -- he just nodded when I said you wanted to see him, and he's sitting at the sternrail."
Alex sits up startledly, glancing at Jared, then Carroll... "Um... shall I go fetch him, Captain?"
Carroll murrs, "Please, Alex."
Jared nods. "I'll keep the crew busy for'ard, sir."
Alex sighs, "Thank you, bosun." She walks out quietly, her tail drooping behind her.
Horatio lets out a breath as Jared, then Alex leave. "I guess Jared knows something's up," he murmurs. Carroll nods quietly.
A moment later Alex walks up behind Dimitri and says quietly, "Hello, Dimitri. It's time to come to the captain's cabin."
Dimitri sits on the stern rail, a black fox dressed in black. His own tail is flat, low, his ears flat. He is just looking at the pendant he was given, turning it over in his paws. As Alex approaches he just looks up, shoving the chain into his pocket. The tall fox slowly stands to follow Alex, her only answer a simple nod.
Carroll and Horatio are waiting in the captain's cabin when Alex leads Dimitri in. She looks tired, "He was sitting on the stern railing, yes... after changing clothes." She walks over to the padded window seat set into the wall and slouches dispiritedly on it, putting one booted foot up against the other wall, her ears tilted back slightly. "Just tell us, Dimitri. Why did you behave the way you did during the levee this morning?"
Dimitri quietly shrugs, "How was I supposed to behave?
Alex says, "Dimitri, stop stalling. What was your reasoning."
"I am not stalling... And what do you mean my reasoning? How should I have acted? Or, or... how could I have felt any different? What was I supposed to have done?'
Horatio coughs slightly. "Well, uhm... I guess she means, 'why?' As opposed to 'why not?'"
Alex sighs, rubbing her forehead, then says very slowly and clearly, "Dimitri. There must have been a reason for your behavior at the levee. We are all aware that you know there was something wrong with your behavior, since you disobeyed a direct order to report to the captain's cabin as soon as you returned. So please, stop dodging the issue and playing dumb, and just tell us why you acted the way you did?!" Her voice is rising as she speaks, but she bites it off tightly, staring at him almost urgently.
Carroll looks as if he's about to talk, doesn't talk over Alex, then settles back, apparently having nothing more to add. He watches Dimitri carefully. Dimitri looks to Horatio and winces at Alex's rising tone. He just looks down at the floor. "How could I have been any different? Sometimes, you know, it's much easier sword to sword. Yes, the steel cuts and bones splinter. But even that doesn't tear as deep."
Carroll finally says something, murring quietly, "What are you talking about, Dimitri?" His voice is flat, and his ears and tail are lifeless and still.
Alex stares at Dimitri disbelievingly for a few moments... then she whispers incredulously, "That is the only explanation for your behavior?! A non sequitur?!" A moment later she whispers just as tightly, "Then... what did you say to the duke? What did he say to you?!" She's very pale, and the tips of her ears are quivering, unbeknownst to her, at the intensity of her gaze on Dimitri... almost as if she's trying to will him to speak.
Carroll lets the pause hang, before trying to gently prod, "Well, Dimitri? What was your upset? What is it that we haven't figured out?"
"Are you that ashamed of me?" Dimitri turns quietly to Carroll. "I finally, finally manage to do something on my own, something right, and help save a life instead of taking another one... and when I rise to get my thanks I'm not even trusted to be able to choose my own clothes. Don't you understand, didn't you ever hear? I tried to tell you that's not me. I... I... I looked in the mirror and when everyone was oo'ing and ah'ing and saying 'oh how good and pretty you look,' I didn't even recognize the fur looking back in the mirror. I... I had no idea who the black fox was who knelt before the queen, because it certainly wasn't me. She gave me a gift and I felt dishonest accepting it. I don't know who it was..."
Alex gapes at Dimitri in wide-eyed, outraged incredulity for a few moments. She finally remembers to close her mouth, with a small click of her teeth, but a fraction of a second later she almost shouts, "WhaAAT?!?!" She takes a few deep breaths, her disbelieving stare still fixed on Dimitri. Finally she finds her voice again, "You self-centered, sanctimonious, self-pitying hypocrite! How DARE you endanger the family's honor with that petulant, self-indulgent display?! How DARE you preach at me about how I should wear certain types of clothing for the good of the family, and then refuse to abide by your own advice?! And -- worst of all -- how DARE you blame our trying to gift you with something for your disgustingly ill-mannered, loutish behavior?!"
Horatio winces sharply, yet remains quiet -- just like back when Father was angry with them all and he wanted to disappear beneath the floorboards. Well, it's some time since the last time Father did that, and he still has no invisibility unguent. Alex starts pacing in the tiny cabin, her fury so great she can't hold still. All her fur is on end; her hackles raised, her tail snapping furiously behind her, her fists clenched and her arms waving, as she continues yelling, "You think just because you didn't get to do what you wanted, that you can publicly act like a sulky child?! You think your silly uniform was reason enough to slight a queen, in front of her entire court -- WHILE SHE WAS HONORING THE FAMILY?! Did you mean to make her look stupid, or was that just another side effect of your making public messes that we're going to have to clean up for you?! I'm SO glad you made sure the entire Maidstone court now knows to expect childish self-indulgence as the norm for St. Genevieve behavior!"
Carroll looks flatly at his brother, and is apparently unmoved by his sister's words, although his ears flick over to her and he listens, and then looks over as she paces. Dimitri listens, ears flat. Alex whirls and yells furiously right up at Dimitri, "I HATE wearing dresses! They're stupid and clumsy -- they drag on the floor and they trip you up -- they aren't me! But I wear them, and I smile as best I can while I'm being forced to wear them -- because that's the right thing to do, because it's for the good of the family, like YOU told me!"
Alex whirls and points at Horatio, her eyes blazing, "Look at Horatio, Dimitri -- look at him! He shouldn't be here -- he should be in the Praxaeum! Not firing ballistae at enemy ships and enemy crew, not risking his life -- that's not him, he's one of the most pacifistic people I know! But he IS here, Dimitri! He's here doing things he doesn't like -- because his family needs him, because we need him, and so he's doing something that isn't him! -because WE NEED HIM! And there-" Alex whirls to jab a finger towards Carroll sitting quiet and terribly still behind his desk, "Look at Carroll, Dimitri -- LOOK at him, dammit, for once! -and try to really see him?! He's not Daddy, Dimitri! He's NOT, no matter how hard you try to force him to be, for your own satisfaction and hatred! You cannot just see what you want to see any more, Dimitri!"
Alexandra pauses, wide-eyed and panting from her screaming at Dimitri. She stares at him... and suddenly the anger slowly ebbs out of her and she just looks very, very weary, and struggling with tears. Her voice is low and shaky, "B-because, Dimitri, if you keep seeing only what you want to see... you're g-going to get us all... get us all killed."
Horatio blinks, his ears flattening in surprise as the attention suddenly focuses on him. He doesn't relax though when it shifts next to Carroll. Carroll gives Dimitri a moment to answer, and a moment to make sure Alex has finished. He's still watching his brother. Alex turns wearily away from her brothers, still talking in that low, shaky, almost-monotone, "That's what scares me the most, in the end, I think... n-not that Dimitri sees only what he w-wants to see -- that he can't see C-Carroll when he looks at him... not even that I, the real me, probably isn't who he sees when he looks at me... what scares me the most is that... is that I'm beginning to suspect that the person I see when I look at my brother... isn't really there..." her voice tightens up as she struggles with tears, "-that I'm seeing only what I want to see... not... not reality..." Her voice trails off as she curls up miserably on the box seat with her back to her brothers, her tail tucked tightly up under her and her face turned away from them all.
Carroll frowns at his sister crying, and then sighs. He stands and walks over to her, settling next to her and carefully, softly running a hand down her back. He looks at her for a moment before he looks back to Dimitri and murrs, "To answer your question, this morning there was no shame of you, no. None." He looks down to Alex again and pauses in his gentle stroking to offer Alex his handkerchief, which is easily at hand, before he looks back to Dimitri to ask, "A slight or offense wasn't even imaginable to me. Offering you the uniform was an attempt to make you feel welcome and wanted." Alex hastily snatches the hankie without looking, rubbing her face and fighting to regain control of herself and stop crying.
Carroll's voice is low and soft and he sounds tired as he continues, "And no, I don't see how any of us could have understood how much this meant to you, Dimitri. You didn't say that it was important; you agreed. If you had said this before the levee we would have known and the uniform would have never been an issue. Instead, you apparently agreed." Carroll looks at his brother and continues, still very carefully, "Today, when you and Alex were knighted, I'd never been prouder of either of you. I thought that not only were you being rewarded for doing something good, but that we could finally have you back as part of the family. When you said that you were with us, here in this cabin, as we began this mission that we are now irrevocably committed to, I took that to mean that you were going to act as a part of the family, and that I could depend upon you in every situation." His hand doesn't stop slowly running circles on Alex, trying, possibly pointlessly, to reassure her.
He doesn't look up, he doesn't even say a word. Dimitri just reaches into his pocket, slowly drawing out the golden pendant. One silent step, then another. One last, and he silently sets the necklace down besides Alex. "Perhaps you are right." Dimitri's words are cold and dead. Turning, he just looks at Carroll. "Part of the family? I came back hoping I'd be accepted. And yet every time I said I was uncomfortable, that this doesn't feel right for me, I was told no, act this way. Every time. Yes, you let me stay... part of the family. But only the role you wanted me to play. Aye, Carroll, just like a kitchen servant, in his place. But never me. If you were proud of me, Carroll, you would have let me be knighted. But you didn't. No... no... no one did."
Alex stares disbelievingly at the pendant, then over her shoulder at Dimitri, her face tear-streaked. She sighs wearily again, rubbing her face, then turns, "This is absurd. Okay, let's try to look at this objectively and like rational adults, please? Here's a fact: I hate wearing dresses, and I bitch and moan about it when I have to wear them. That's fine, because when in public I try to behave like an adult -- I save my whining for in private, for you guys. But if I really didn't want to wear a dress -- if, for example, wearing it would make me lose my mind, publicly act like a spoiled ten year old, and thereby endanger the family's standing in a foreign court whose help we desperately need? -well, then I would consider it incumbent upon me to inform you all of that. Then if you chose to continue to force me to wear the dress, you at least know what you're up against, and what kinds of messes I'd be leaving for you all to clean up."
Alex sighs again, rubbing her forehead, then wearily continues on, "On the other paw, if what I really wanted was just to punish you all for some reason which I wouldn't share with you all," her voice is distinctly sharp on the word 'share,' "-then I wouldn't warn you at all. I'd just flounce around, pouting, being rudely insulting to family friends, and feeling unjustly put upon... and when you quite rightly asked me what the HELL I thought I was doing, and why I didn't say something... I'd make up some self-justifying excuse about how it wasn't really my fault." She holds out the pendant to Dimitri, "This is yours. You earned it. There's only you in there, Dimitri. You're not possessed, or in need of exorcism. There's no one in there preventing you from talking to us... except you." When Dimitri doesn't move to take the pendant she drops it on Carroll's desk and turns away again.
Carroll asks, "Who are you then, if you're not Dimitri St. Genevieve? What is it that the clothing means, that it can so easily be taken away?"
Dimitri looks to Alex and just winces. "I've tried. And no, I don't deserve it at all. And I wasn't flouncing, Alex. I wasn't angry or bitter or vengeful. It was none of those."
Alex doesn't look at Dimitri, facing Carroll as she leans against the wall, wringing his hankie unconsciously. Her voice is cold and tightly reined in as she snaps precisely, "Dimitri. Please tell me you have not been so self-absorbed that you forgot Maidstone is a city... where vendetta is still legal!!" She whirls and snarls at him, "How long do you think St. Genevieve -- how long do you think we'll all survive -- if some noble family here declares vendetta against us -- because you just felt like being a petulant boor to them?!"
Dimitri looks back to Carroll, quiet. "I am a simpl..." And then his words fall away, his eyes closing, his ears flattening. He just stops. Stops dead. He looks to the floor. Folds his paws behind him. His ears are flat. He speaks three broken, lifeless words. "Aye-aye, sir."
Carroll snaps, "Stop that!" and glares at Dimitri. He murrs, voice running flat again, "That will only hurt everyone more." He murrs, "And it is no answer to my question. What does that uniform mean to you? What did what we offered mean?" His resolution consumed, he adds, leaning against the wall, "How will we ever be able to accept you for whoever you are, if you will not tell us anything?"
Dimitri stays quiet and still. "I don't believe it really matters any more."
Carroll's ears flick back and he give Dimitri the Look, which is likely ignored. His voice doesn't betray anything he might be feeling, and his ears slowly resume their relaxed posture while he murrs, "Considering how we have to cope with the repercussions of today, and that you will be expected to attend court again as both a nobleman and a Knight of the Queen, I think it matters." He looks down at the quiet Alex and frowns, still rubbing her back, and adds, "Not only that, I want to know."
Alex looks at Dimitri, her ears flat, her eyes bright with unshed tears. She's quietly tearing up Carroll's hankie, although she's not realized it yet, as she whispers tightly, "So... you'll decide for all of us... you can't trust any of us to tell us the truth. How... incredibly... arrogant of you, to decide for us that we can't handle whatever you have to say!"
Horatio clears his throat slightly. "Er... the masters would probably disapprove of me saying this, but..." He takes a breath. "What... what we, as alchemists, have found is that materials gain unique properties when combined with other materials. Aqueous iron to lead, essence of sulfur to mercury... alone, they are just what they are, nothing more. But together... together they become more than what they are. More than the sum of the parts." He shifts slightly. "Another... another little, er, semi-secret of alchemy... is 'as above, so below'... I mean, well, who we are... just as we work with materials and do so much with them... we've found that... that the same applies to ourselves. Carroll's mercury, Alex's essence of sulfur, my own... well, who we are... Master Herodotus said I had 'aqueous lead in the head' once... and Dimitri's essence of iron. All of it comes together into... well, who we are... something new, something different... something that we need to regain our honor, our standing in Starfall... our identity... our... well, who we are... anything less, well..." He trails off, unsure of himself or trusting himself to continue.
Dimitri looks to Alex and quietly shrugs. "Does it matter? You... you... you've already decided I am a petulant boor. That I was being spiteful and vengeful. You've decided what part I play in your passion play. I thought you knew I'm not a very good actor, Alexandra."
Carroll murrs, "Passion play? Is that all our lives mean to you?" He shakes his head and murrs, "You don't understand at all, do you?" After a moment's incredulous pause he adds, "And, you still have not answered my question."
Alex shakes her head slowly, staring almost mesmerizedly at Dimitri, "This is... fascinating. Dimitri, you claim we won't let you be who you want to be... but you won't give us any hints as to what you want. You claim we're forcing you to be someone you're not -- but we're all gathered in here practically begging you to talk to us. It's you who's refusing, Dimitri... not us." She stares at Dimitri for a long, slow moment, her eyes fever-bright, then says slowly, "You've spent a lot of time telling us we're at fault, even though it was you that insulted queen, duke, and court. I think it's time we believed you. You can't be trusted to tell us the truth. You can't be trusted to act like an adult in court. Apparently you can't even be trusted to follow direct orders -- unless you get to say who's good, who's bad, like Carroll and Daddy... unless everything revolves around you... unless you get to call all the shots." Her face almost crumples for a moment, and then she covers her mouth with one hand, closing her eyes, and regains control of herself.
Alex freezes, carefully not looking at Dimitri. She takes a few deep breaths, deliberately opening her hands to flex them gently... one finger is bloody where she's bitten it. Her face is tight with pain as she says tersely, "Okay. Okay... we're still St. Genevieve; we're not dead yet. It's not the end of everything -- we can still try to clean up his messes after him." She turns to Carroll and says wearily, "Can you write a short apology, the way Dimitri talks? We can have him memorize it, and one of us can take him so he can deliver it face to face to the queen-" she stares emotionlessly at Dimitri, "Like he means it." She looks back at her other two brothers, "She fancies Dimitri, I have no idea why... maybe that will work to appease her pride. And the nobility... well, we'll all just have to be on our best behavior, and not go out alone. If we keep Dimitri either on the ship or strictly away from anyone well-bred, then hopefully he won't be able to insult anyone else for us... and Carroll, maybe if you and Horatio went and had a nice chat with the Starfall ambassador -- ask about home or something polite and social, yes? -and maybe let the stuff with Pravinchandra come up -- so he knows we're not just self-indulgent children having a temper tantrum because we were too spoiled to prevent Pravinchandra from taking all our belongings -- but that we have a real concern here in regards to him? Do you guys think that would work?" She stares hopefully at Horatio and Carroll.
"I am not laying fault on..." And once again Dimitri just stops. "Yessir."
Carroll looks at his sister and murrs softly to her, "Alex..." and hasn't got words. He sighs and looks back at his brother and murrs, "Any decisions we've made about who you are, Dimitri, we've made because of how you have acted. You are entirely responsible for what we may think about you. If you want to change that, if you want to be part of any of that, then you will give us something else to understand." He adds, "And you can start by answering my question; what does that uniform mean to you?" Horatio blinks at Alex, then glances between Dimitri and Carroll, fretting silently, his expression... unusual, askance and actually real terror written there.
Alex glances back at Dimitri dispassionately, as if all the feeling's been wrung out of her, "You had your chance. You chose to refuse us. Oddly enough, since we're your family and we love you, I suspect we'd still listen to you if you ever decided to trust us again... but until then..." she shrugs.
Carroll gives Alex a brief but tight squeeze, and murrs, "I don't know, Alex, I don't know. I'll have to think about what we can do."
Alex shakes her head, rubbing her forehead and still trying to plan, "If we're lucky Duke Redtail won't declare vendetta against St. Genevieve for whatever Dimitri's insults to him were -- we simply can NOT fight a two front war. If we're really lucky the duke won't ask for a duel, although if he does we can't let Dimitri be the one fighting him. It'll have to be me, because I'm the closest thing we have to a duelist, and Dimitri's not a duelist. He's just a soldier -- and the absolute last thing we need is the horrific social backlash that would occur if he killed the duke! Who knows, maybe the duke would be satisfied with a duel to first blood, if he even insists on a duel -- I can handle that." Dimitri just stands quiet, listening, letting Alex run over him. Alex sighs tiredly, then continues, "Let's all pray it doesn't get that far. If we're far luckier than we really deserve at this point, the duke will be satisfied with either a public apology from Dimitri, or some payment of restitution, which we don't really have, considering how few our family assets currently are. But... I guess we no longer have the option to bargain with the duke, considering Dimitri was rude enough to him that he left immediately thereafter." She sighs softly and puts her face into her hands again. Her voice is muffled and broken sounding, "Carroll... can I go now? Do you need me for anything else?"
Carroll murrs to Alex, "And perhaps we can forestall even that if I speak to him, very quickly." He looks at Dimitri and murrs, "After you answer my first question, you can tell me what the Duke said and how you replied." Looking down to Alex, he smiles and leans forward to give her a hug, hoping she doesn't object. Just for her he murrs, "I need you for a lot of things, more than ever, Alex." He moves back and adds so the others can hear, "But yes, you may go now." He leans a little back to let her go, smiling very slightly to her. Alex sighs tiredly and doesn't object. If anything she looks numb... as if she could walk into a wall and not immediately realize it. It takes her a few moments to register what Carroll's said... and she turns to stare up at Dimitri, hoping against hope that this time he'll answer... Carroll also waits for an answer, now slowly stroking Alex's headfur, looking at Dimitri expectantly.
Dimitri still looks to the deck, his words quiet, flat, and cold. "The noble Duke asked me to investigate the murders he has been blamed for. I told him that Sir Alexandra was much more capable than I. And that being a Knight of the Queen, I would have to ask her before undertaking such a task." Flat. By rote. "I thought Alex could help him more. He didn't believe me, I guess. But then that's not new, I guess. I don't understand court, Carroll. I am a simple fox. I don't rule, I am not a lord. All my life, I have only been asked to be judged on who I am, not how blue my blood is. I have no illusions. I work with my hands. I don't hide behind shadows or veils of facade. Look at me. This is who I am. My craft is of the sword, and I wear a sworder's garb. It is honest, Carroll. It's not something in fancy trappings that says something I am not. It should have been a soldier that walked up to a queen. A simple, stupid soldier. But I would have been able to hold my head high. Knowing that not only I could stand on my own, but that you three accepted me for who I am too."
The life and alertness slowly fades from Alex's face, and she stares at Dimitri almost dazedly. Her whisper is very low, "You couldn't tell us this... before the levee?! Those half-hearted protests you gave were no more than I usually give when I don't want to wear a dress but we all know I will... why didn't you insist on talking to us, trying to convince us this was wrong before the family became endangered by your actions? Why, Dimitri?!"
Carroll asks, "If we didn't accept you for who you are, Dimitri, why would we want the whole Court to know that we claimed you as ours? The uniforms were to show that yes, we are together, not to divide you."
Alex puts a small paw on Carroll's, her gaze never leaving Dimitri, and whispers, "Wait, please...? This is very important to me, Carroll... I want to know."
Carroll nods and murrs, "It is a good question."
Dimitri doesn't look up. "Every time I tried... no one listened."
Alex says, "No, Dimitri. You never said this." She murmurs faintly, "You never said you'd endanger the family if you didn't get to wear the uniform you wanted."
Dimitri slowly nods. "I never got the cha-" He stops again. "Alex. I didn't act out of vengeance. I couldn't think that straight to even be able to, if for some fell reason I had even wanted to..."
Alex stares tiredly at her small paws on her knees, "If you had... I'd have insisted you wear the Blackpool's uniform. No, Dimitri. You had many chances. You had from the point where I asked you to wear a family uniform, right up to the point that you handed your sword over to Ludmilla. But you're right in one way... I wasn't listening. I should have said something when I saw how you looked in the uniform. I should have realized by the way you were pou- looking... that there was trouble ahead. I should have realized by the way you said 'fine Alex' that you didn't mean it at all..." Her small mask starts to crumple up again, and she just puts her face into her hands and leans against the wall, sobbing quietly, too tired to even try hiding it any more.
Carroll sighs and strokes his sister some more, murring softly, "No, Alex, that's not true. It's not your responsibility that he lied to you."
Dimitri shrugs quietly. "I'll leave you two alone.
Carroll murrs, "I'm not done. Stay there."
Dimitri softly growls, "Yessir."
Carroll frowns and murrs with some conviction, "When you agreed that you were with us, that you would be part of this dangerous plan we hatched, you made yourself part of the family. Start acting like it."
Dimitri softly growls, "Yessir."
Carroll continues, "Unlike Lady Blackpool's force, who was only too quick to dismiss you at the slightest political pressure from someone with money or influence, we are not going to do that. You are, no matter what happens, for good or for bad, a part of the St. Genevieve family. However, that doesn't mean that we will leave you in a position to hurt us. If you begin to act like the gentleman I know you to be then you can stay aboard the Saucy Mare. We need all the warriors we can get, and I do respect your skill and knowledge and experience. Regardless of what you seem to think." He continues, "If you do not then we will return you to Ettore, where you will be more than capable of working with the defenses there and being a strong, sure, and hopefully silent St. Genevieve presence."
Dimitri softly growls, "Yessir."
Carroll finishes, "You couldn't be more wrong that I don't respect you for who you are, Dimitri. I do. I am proud of how you acted to save the Queen, I do respect the warrior you are. There is nothing I can do to make you feel welcome or accepted as long as you continue to insist you are the 'stupid soldier' and that your opinion doesn't matter. That's utter garbage, and you need to get past it. We all want you here, and want to know if we've done something before it's too late. You must say something to us, and be utterly clear that it is important." The eldest fox continues, "Until I have some reason to believe you can manage yourself in a social situation you are not to go near the Palace or any nobles unless you are accompanied by one of the three of us, and you need to think about your words and actions before you say them. Is that clear?"
Dimitri softly growls, "Yessir."
Horatio just silently closes his eyes. Carroll has not been shouting, and doesn't seem angry...it is only in his concluding statement of, "You are dismissed, Dimitri." that his nobleman's front cracks, and one can hear the hurt and unhappiness that he has to be this way to his brother.
Dimitri snaps his heels together and just walks out. "Yessir."
Alex has slowly stopped crying, wiping her face with the remains of the hankie... she continues to lean tiredly against the wall as she looks at the hankie's shredded bits in her hands... she whispers, "'m sorry, Carroll..."
As soon as the door closes behind Dimitri, Carroll's facade crumbles and he slumps against the wall, leaning his head against it and closing his eyes. He murrs very weakly, "I'm sorry, too, Alex." He has no idea she may be referring to the handkerchief.
Alex stares at Carroll's desk for a moment, her eyes dull. What... oh, right. She'd been leaving... she reaches out for the desk, using it to lever herself to her feet as if she weighs much more than usual... it seems her mental connections are being made very, very slowly right now. She walks slowly to the door, a little wobbly on her feet, then stands leaning against it, resting her forehead on the door. Finally she takes a deep, slow breath, straightening... from behind she almost looks normal, as if her heart weren't breaking. She opens the door and steps out... then closes it quietly behind herself. Horatio just continues to remain silent in his own little corner, sinking if not visually then mentally down between the deckboards. Alex pauses, then looks back into the cabin and murrs dully, "We need to warn Natasha and MacKenzie for if I'm not there to chaperone him."
Alex goes to her cabin with her head high and her demeanor calm. Once inside the cabin, however, the calmly assured face she wore outside slips away like melted wax. She moves slowly and carefully as an automaton winding down, carefully changing out of her pretty court uniform, folding it and putting it away, then putting on her regular day to day clothes. She buckles on her heavy rapier, then pauses in thought for a moment... then slowly draws the sharp weapon, laying it across her small paws. She stands there, staring at the rapier in her small paws, for a very, very long, silent moment.
After a few moments the blade sparkles with teardrops, by the dim light seeping into the cabin. Finally Alex clenches her paws around the blade, tossing her head back impatiently with her eyes squeezed tightly shut -- then angrily slams the rapier back into the scabbard, heedless of the blood on her hands. She strides purposefully out of the cabin, "Natasha? Are you busy, or could we do a practice bout perhaps?"
Carroll stands himself, picks up the shredded handkerchief, and throws it away. Doing so, he finds the knight's pendant and sighs. He picks it up as Alex comes to the door, and nods and murrs, "I will take care of it," and dismisses her with a gesture. He puts the pendant on his desk and then sits behind it, staring at the jewelry for a moment before picking up the little slate and piece of chalk he uses to make notes on. He looks over at Horatio and asks softly, "Are you all right, Horatio?"
Horatio's voice is quiet, a zephyr of words. "No, Carroll. I'm... afraid I'm not." He takes in a breath; his voice comes a little clearer. "I'm seeing a beautiful alloy of mercury and sulfur and lead and silver... an alloy more beautiful and stronger and more elegant than orichalcum... just tear itself apart into molten gobbets as if, red-hot, it was thrown into a vat of cold vitriol."
Carroll slowly translates his brother's words from 'alchemist' to something he can fathom, then murrs, "Yes, Horatio... I know." After a moment's pause, he murrs, "I couldn't think of anything else to do..." He adds, "I'm sorry," very softly.
Horatio's sigh is almost silent. When he speaks again it is an old, tired voice, like how one of his masters would lecture. "Pravinchandra wins unless we subsume the elements that make us who we are into a single whole." He blinks, then shakes himself a bit and speaks normally. "Carroll... I'd only say this in private, but... you can't force iron to alloy with lead to make steel. It has to be, it must be, finessed. Treated. Tempered." He sighs again. "How much more so the elements that make up our spirits."
He pauses, then murmurs softly, "It might not be too late..."