| Logs |
1999-11-24
| Starfall |
| Realms |
Retired
| Reality Fault |
General Info
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Nightwatch
- The Deck of the Saucy Mare
The main deck of the Saucy Mare is clean and neat, kept that way by the dedicated crew. The twin masts tower overhead; aft is the steersman on the quarterdeck.
The Saucy Mare is out in the high seas now, racing along before the wind across the rolling grey waves.
He stands at the rail, just looking out across the black water. The darkling St. Genevieve stands quiet, quieter than the water or the night.
Alex is silent for a bit, then murmurs very quietly to her brother, "Dimitri... what's wrong? You and Carroll both... you're both doing your worried things. He doesn't sleep, and he gets a touch forgetful... did you see he had a coffee mug on his desk? He never drinks coffee! ...and you, you're all quiet and grim... what's up?"
Dimitri looks down, quiet. He shrugs, his great cloak rustling in the cross breeze. "It's nothing, really. Just never think that I am a cold blooded killer, that is all."
Alex gives Dimitri a puzzled look, "No, of course not, Dimitri! Why on earth would I think that?"
He doesn't turn, just looks. "Because, when you come down to it, that's the reality of what I do. And we can't avoid it, not on this tack. But someone has to watch out for you... and Carroll, Horatio, and the crew."
Alex says pragmatically, "Dimitri, we do what we're best at to help each other. I don't think Horatio's cold-bloodedly brilliant, or Carroll's cold-bloodedly..." she grins, "-well... I'm not sure what Carroll is... but he's still family, and we all know we can depend on each other."
Dimitri smiles then. "You're the idealist, Horatio is the smarts, Carroll is wisdom, and I just watch out for you all."
Alex studies her brother thoughtfully, then steps forward to look up at him and lay a light paw on his arm, "Dimitri... this is me, your sister, remember? The one that would run interference between you and daddy, even when you didn't want me to sometimes? I'm not going to run away like a scared puppy, you should know that by now... like I said the other day, just tell me what you want, and I'll do the best I can to make it happen! Right?" She studies his face in the shadow, her ears tilted alertly forward in worry, "you understand, right?"
Dimitri nods quietly. "Your first fight, I want you right beside me, yes? I know you aren't going to run away. That's the problem."
Alex blinks, then grins, "Is not. But sure, if that's what you want. It can't be that different from hunting, after all!"
The sound of the cabin door opening echoes through the calm night, carrying clearly, followed by quiet footsteps, and the door closing. Carroll looks around the quiet decks, peering around somewhat tiredly.
Alex looks over her shoulder, then murmurs in quiet surprise, "Carroll? What're you doing up? Is everything okay?"
Dimitri shakes his head. "It's not the same at all. Harts don't fight back and boars, which do, don't look like the kid you played with after lessons. Killing another furr, it is not the same, and every time you do it tears at you. Or if it doesn't, then you aren't the sister I've grown up with. Somewhere out there, Alex, we are going to have to kill. It's not a matter of if, but a matter of when..." He turns his head, looking back towards the deck. "Oh. Evening, Carroll."
Alex glances back at Dimitri, squeezing his arm lightly and companionably, her voice quietly confident, "It'll be all right, Mitya... we'll face that bridge when we come to it... together." She smiles up at him, then turns to face Carroll, "What's up, captain?"
Carroll walks all the way across the deck to the two of you before he murrs, "I couldn't sleep. Restless. Worried." Looking at his sister, he adds, "Listen to your brother."
Alex grins amusedly at Carroll, "Which one?"
With a smirk Carroll murrs, "In this instance, Dimitri."
Alex says, "And... like I ever don't listen to him..." her voice gets softly mischievous, "-it's you I used to ignore, and I bet you remember that!"
Carroll nods, smiling. He murrs, "I do." He looks around the ship and shakes his head, adding, "I'm glad you're all here."
Dimitri nods, "It's just, Alex, if I had a choice, it would be something you would never have to do. But no matter what happens, or what you have to do, I'll be there next to you.
Alex beams affectionately at Dimitri, "I know, Mitya... but we may have to, so isn't it just as well that we're all facing it together?" She tilts her head at Carroll curiously, adding, "Of course we're all here... I don't understand. What're you worried about? Or... have you been thinking about my earlier question, about Dimitri and training the sailors to fight?"
Carroll shakes his head, and murrs, "I meant I'm glad there's people here I know well, and can trust, Alex. He could have separated us." He looks out over the dark water, quiet for a moment, and adds, "I'm just worried about the future."
Now Dimitri turns around. "Train who to fight?
Alex grins happily at Dimitri, lightly patting one of his paws. She's obviously clueless as to what real killing is about -- but also quite determined to do the best job she can as she adds cheerfully, "Don't worry, I'll keep your back clear!" She glances at Carroll, "Who's 'he,' Carroll? and Mitya, if we're going to be pirates we need to have everyone know how to handle weapons, yes? -especially if we already just barely have enough crew to man the Mare? That, or Horatio's going to have to invent one fantastic weapon!"
Carroll murrs, "Pravinchandra, of course." Thinking about Alex's enthusiasm, he asks his brother, "An interesting question. Do you think it would be worthwhile, or would it take too long to be useful?"
"I'll have to dig out my cutlass again. Boarding tactics, all that can help, Alex. But we are going to be setting into another ship, maybe in a handful of what, months? And they will have crews that have been doing it for years. That's just not going to work. What would be better is to get a handful of really good furrs who have a good deal of experience... and then use tactics like a sword and never, never let ourselves get caught in a knock down drag out brawl."
Alex snorts, "The mongoose couldn't have separated us unless we allowed him to -- and we didn't!" She listens to Carroll's question, then thoughtfully adds, "Y'know... there may be family members to some of the crew that may want to add on once they hear about what's been happening... although I'm guessing that there won't be more than one or two if so? -but there might be someone else that knows a little bit about fighting there? Um... but what do you mean by setting into another ship, Dimitri?"
Dimitri softly growls, "Setting into another ship..." He shrugs, "Boarding, firing on, getting close enough to draw steel and blood."
Carroll shakes his head and looks to his brother. He murrs to him, "Despite your worries, I don't think she'll freeze. Like me, she'll come apart later, when things are a little calmer. Horatio, on the other hand..."
Dimitri softly growls, "Horatio shouldn't fight."
Alex gives Carroll an indignant look, "I most certainly will NOT come apart!" then nods at the comment about Horatio. She thinks a bit, then adds, "Um... so we want to damage the ship enough from a distance that most of the fight is taken out of it, if I'm understanding you guys correctly?" With suddenly renewed indignance she adds, "And Dimitri does NOT think I'll come apart -- he said himself that he was proud of me!" She bristles at her oldest brother, her tail swishing irritatedly behind her.
Carroll smiles and murrs to his sister, "I hope not, Alexandra. I don't think you will. An hour later, I think then you'll be sick." He looks at Dimitri and asks, "If he shouldn't fight, why does he carry the sword?"
Dimitri quietly steps up behind Alex, and lays a paw on her shoulder. "Carroll is just worried for you, Alex. That's all. And no, or well, that's part of it. What I meant was that instead of us sailing up and attempting a broadside boarding we might try crossing her tee from behind, a stealthy raid at night from the long boat to remove her watch, quietly like. Maybe sending a carpenter over to scuttle her rudder. We must use our imaginations first. But you are good at that, right?"
Alex glances up and over her shoulder at Dimitri... and her hackles settle as she nods. She adds quietly, "Sorry, Carroll. I just- well, sorry." She takes a breath, straightening slightly, then nods, "That makes good sense to me, Dimitri. After all, if the Pravin can be sneaky..." she grins, "-we can do it better, surely, with all of us concentrating on it!" She adds softly, "He carries the sword because he thinks he should, Carroll. He doesn't want to disappoint any of us, I think."
Carroll exhales quietly, and murrs, "Alex, I'm sorry. I don't doubt you a bit. However, you're making me understand some of what I must have done to Father." He shakes his head and murrs, "As far as Horatio, getting himself cut in half will disappoint me more than him not wanting anything to do with it." Returning to his former train of thought he adds, mostly to Dimitri, "I don't think you can actually explain the difference between a fight and a kill. Three days ago I would have said it was the hardest thing I'd ever done."
Alex gives Carroll a puzzled look, "What'd you do to Daddy?" She thinks a bit, then says, "Hey... I've got an idea for Horatio. If we know there's going to be a fight -- set him up as chirugeon. That's something we need to have ready, yes? and it'll keep him out of the fight, and most important -- he's the only person I know of on board that knows that stuff?"
Dimitri looks back to Carroll and nods. "If it was the hardest thing in the world to do, there wouldn't be any wars. The problem is that it's easy... and that you can't ever let it become too easy."
Carroll shrugs. "For some it may be easy. For me it's not. I can't help but wonder if they have friends, family, children who will never know where they went." Looking to his sister he murrs, "I didn't understand either, Alexandra."
Alex eyes Carroll carefully, as if she's not sure if she's being patronized or not... but keeps her mouth shut for the nonce. Instead she says, "So... the idea for Horatio? Yes/no?"
Dimitri softly growls, "Sound good to me. He can learn all my scars."
Carroll isn't patronizing. He looks, if anything, like he's seeing some things in a whole new light, only slowly coming to grips with what that full title of 'Captain' means. After a contemplative moment he pauses, "It might keep him out of harm's way. And, maybe he'll stop closing the thing into doors."
Alex blinks at Dimitri with an uncertain smile... should she ask? ...maybe not tonight... then adds to Carroll again, "Um... so what'd you do to Daddy?" She tilts her head curiously, looking at him closely in the moonlight, "Carroll? Are you all right? You've got the strangest look on your face...?"
Carroll nods slowly. He murrs, "I think I'm all right, yes." He licks his lips and looks around the deck thoughtfully, finally murring, "I think I'm beginning to understand some things." Looking back to Alex he murrs, "The thing I did, is that I didn't understand when he tried to explain much of what Dimitri was trying to convey to you." He pauses, quiet for a moment, adding, "I don't know that it's something that can be explained."
Alex tilts her ears puzzledly at Carroll, her eyes a brilliantly reflective lambent green in the moonlight, "About killing people? Okay... I figure I'll learn eventually, and I'll stick close to Dimitri so I have a good example to follow... umm... does that reassure you any? And..." she pauses, then adds, "I didn't know you'd actually killed anyone, Carroll?"
Dimitri looks back and shakes his head. "It can't. But I think Alex realizes that it's very serious. Serious to me. Serious to me for her. And that whatever happens, I'll be there and we will all still love her afterwards. That's right, isn't it Alex?"
Carroll looks at his brother and nods at his words, "That last is very true."
Alex is starting to look really confused, "Guys... you're talking about this as if... as if it makes you suddenly go stupid or something! Why on earth would we care about each other any less, just 'cause we killed someone... someone that was trying to kill one of us!?" She adds bewilderedly, "If nothing else, it can't do that, or there'd be more disinherited people running around!"
Carroll shrugs and murrs, "People react differently. Some freeze. Standing, gaping in shock in the middle of a fight isn't healthy or wise. I was all right until later."
Using the paw on her shoulder, Dimitri turns Alex around and then crouches, eye to eye. "Alex, it's not us we are worried about. When you kill someone, you take a life. It's wrong, the worst thing you can do; steal someone's life and future with a so simple thrust of a blade... and it affects you. It will affect you. You won't be able to wash the blood away, you'll feel like you are somehow evil or bad, no matter how much you rationalize it that you had to do it. If it didn't, you'd be a criminal or some insane furr. It will be hard. It will hit you in ways you can't predict..."
Alex is obviously listening intently and trying to understand... but at Dimitri's words she says a little heatedly, "Dimitri, I'm really sorry, but if it's them or you I'm going to stick them!"
Dimitri softly growls, "But I, me, will always be there for you."
Alex looks bewildered at the turn the conversation's taken... but she takes Dimitri's paws in her own and says earnestly, "Dimitri, it's okay, really! I believe you... and no, I won't be leaving you either! I'm not going to... to go stupid in the head, I promise, okay?"
Dimitri softly growls, "I know you will, bratling. But after it's done. That's when I'll be there for you."
Carroll nods, murring, "After, yes, like I did." He asks, "Would you like to hear the story?"
Alex nods slowly to Dimitri, still looking uncertain at his words... she glances over her shoulder at Carroll, then says a bit hesitantly, "Um... okay?" She shifts slightly, standing so she can feel Dimitri's solidly reassuring presence behind her.
Carroll nods and murrs, "It was last spring, early in the year." He points to Dimitri, murring, "You were away in the army and," he gestures at Alexandra, "I expect you were busy being terribly jealous I got to out with him, and terrorizing the ladies at the finishing school."
Dimitri softly chuckles "...the Marines."
Carroll acks and murrs, "I'm sorry, Dimitri. I never did really fathom the difference." He shakes his head and murrs, "Anyway, I think it's only blind luck that we weren't captured and killed that day."
Dimitri just gives Carroll one of those looks. Alex grins mischievously, and doesn't talk about what happened at the finishing school... or why she was home when Carroll returned home... "I um... yeah. Go on, Carroll?"
Carroll looks embarassedly at his brother but continues. "What saved us were the guards we had on board for some of the cargo. We were carrying some bullion, moving it to Maidstone from Jarrow for the Maidstone city council. They'd arranged some deal or other with Jarrow. I don't remember the details. They were a little worried about their cargo and had placed guards on it." He tries not to fidget as he continues, "There were four guards working shifts, so there were always at least two awake, watching the cargo. We had little other cargo because of the weight, so they had most of the hold to themselves. There was also a little fog, as is common on those cold nights, as the air begins to warm for morning." He sighs and murrs quietly, "We heard them before we saw them, the lookout calling hard to starboard. We nearly hit them."
Alex nods, listening interestedly. Carroll murrs, "The crew that was awake was busy with the course change, when the ladders hit the other side of the ship, from their longboat." Alex's eyes widen -- why didn't she get to go on such a fine adventure?! -and unconsciously one small paw closes on Dimitri's as she listens intently.
Carroll continues, "They only managed to get six or seven furs on the deck before we pulled away from their longboat. Two headed up to the quarterdeck to try and take the steering, while the others tried to go up into the rigging to bring the sails down or get the crew there. At the first cry of "Pirates!" the two guards came on deck, and they did most of the work. I know one got into the rigging, but the lookout's crossbow finished him. The others on the deck, I think the two guards coped with."
Dimitri softly and strongly squeezes Alex's paw. Carroll looks to Dimitri and murrs, "I think they expected the quarterdeck to be empty save the steersman, and the two armed and irritated foxes there weren't part of the plan."
Dimitri softly growls, "It never is."
Carroll explains, remembering, "To get up the stairs the larger of the two simply barreled up as fast as he could and forced Father bodily out of the way, the other close behind. Once on the deck the second moved to attack Father while he was pinned." He looks at Alex and murrs, "There was no hesitation on my part; I came up next to him, and ran him through, upwards from the belly." He continues steadily, "He fell against his partner, who looked over and then threw him against me before I could clear my weapon." He grins wryly and adds, "The phrase 'dead weight' took on new meaning."
Alex gasps, "Daddy was there?! He went with you -- and he left me behind?!" She blinks as the rest of what Carroll says registers...
Carroll looks at Alex. He nods a little. He says, "When the one who'd had Father pinned turned to throw his rapidly-dying partner at me, he moved away from Father. The big fellow tried to draw his weapon at that point, but his throat was already cut. Father had some of your speed."
Alex looks unhappy... and at that she snaps, "Has."
Dimitri quietly nods. Has.
Carroll looks at Dimitri and murrs, "It takes as long to tell as it did to happen, maybe longer." Looking back to his sister he continues unperturbed, "At that point things got busy. We roused the crew and checked over for men we'd missed, did a headcount. Sent crew over the sides on ropes, with lanterns, to check for damage to the ship or rudder, or for their longboat still tied to us. It was only after shift change, in full daylight, that things started to calm down. I was on the quarterdeck, watching a couple of crew dump the two bodies overboard, when I saw clearly the horrid gash I'd left in the one man. That upset me."
Alex opens her mouth to say something -- then, uncharacteristically, she falls silent, watching her (also uncharacteristically) slightly twitchy oldest brother. She still looks a bit uncertain, one ear tilting back at Dimitri and the other at Carroll, but with slow caution she'll reach out with her free paw and take one of Carroll's paws -- if he doesn't seem unwilling to be touched just now.
Carroll continues, "It was only then, when I realized that it was that man's blood and entrails that utterly drenched me, from about the navel down, all through my fur, and in to my boots, that it occurred to me what I'd really done." He doesn't respond much although he looks his sister in the eyes as he says, "Only then that I'd killed a man, who'd had a name and perhaps a family or a lover or children, who would never see him again, never know what happened, why, how."
Alex straightens and tucks her paw behind her back, her ears tilted back slightly in embarrassment -- now is obviously not the right time to be offering sympathy. Carroll nods. He murrs, "From that point, things are a little unclear until about the evening meal. I remember being sick, not making it to the rail, before I managed to vomit all over myself, the decking." He smiles, a little ironically, "No one ever mentioned it to me, though." He adds, "The rest of the day was mostly a blur, and I don't remember it well."
Dimitri continues quietly. "For me it was two days later, exhausted, sitting on the quarterdeck steps. The sea was calm, quiet, I was cleaning my sword... and I just got the shakes. I got them bad. For a long while."
Alex glances uncertainly between Dimitri and Carroll, her ears semaphoring between them both. She finally says hesitantly, "I... I'm sorry, I don't mean to be... to miss the point you're both trying to make but um... I don't -- I mean, I know Daddy can be a real pain sometimes, but -- but why was it wrong to save Daddy's life?"
Carroll shakes his head, "It wasn't wrong, Alex. Even if it was right, it was still awful. Saving Father wasn't the awful part, either. I had to do that or I wouldn't be who I am, or likely still alive. But it was still an awful thing." He looks over Dimitri's shoulder and adds, "Until three days ago I'd have said it was the worst thing I'd ever had to cope with."
Alex frowns, thinking furiously as she tries her best to understand... then flicks a puzzled ear at Carroll, "What happened three days ago that was worse?"
Carroll looks at the black fox and smiles. He murrs, "I had to say, 'Kill him. I don't care how.'" Looking at Alex he says, "Killing a man who's causing you and yours immediate bodily harm is very different than telling someone else to do it after the immediate threat is handled." He shakes his head and adds, "I don't know about 'worse.' Different. Difficult... I'd make an awful general."
Dimitri shrugs. "That marten is just lucky I was able to pull my blow."
Alex looks puzzled -- then the light dawns, "Oh... that -- Shifty person." She frowns, still thinking, and shakes her head slowly to herself as she thinks.
Carroll shrugs. "And that I didn't really want to do it. Part of me felt I should have done it myself -- and I wouldn't have been able to stop my blow. Or at his stretching of truth about his family." He looks at his sister, and murrs, "When I called you out and asked you for your opinion, I wasn't asking you to make a decision. I was asking for your input." He swallows and adds, "Mostly though I wanted you to see it, and to have a chance to think about it, before you were put in the position of having to decide something like that." He adds, quietly, 'To give you a chance to prepare yourself, that I hadn't had.'
Alex gazes steadily at Carroll, "Well... I've not killed anyone, so maybe my opinion would change then... but I'd like to think that I wouldn't so easily forget my duties as a captain. My thought would be that this man tried to harm my ship, my crew, and my family... all the folks who would have been depending on me were I captain... that this man probably was trying to get us all killed." She's silent for a moment, thinking, then adds with quiet firmness, "So yes, I suspect I'd have said the same thing you did, Carroll." She glances up and over her shoulder at Dimitri, then at Carroll, adding a little uncertainly, "I... I'm sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear, but... but that's what I would have thought," and closes her paw tightly around Dimitri's as she speaks.
Dimitri listens quietly and then just nods. He stretches just a bit, so he can lay his muzzle atop her head. "I know. And you have never disappointed me... yet, Alex. Just, just remember what we said. You'll know when it's important to remember that." Alex leans back slightly against Dimitri, still holding his paw, and nods once.
Carroll shakes his head, murring, "It's the same answer I came to; why can I complain about it?" He nods at his brother's words, adding, "I expect, far too soon, you'll understand."
Alex frowns slightly at Carroll, "I'm not going to avoid it if it happens, Carroll... what kind of person would I be if I always let others do my dirty work? And despite what Daddy may believe I don't want to be set aside, like a... like some porcelain doll or something." Her tone is a little fierce as she adds, "I want to be a captain, Carroll -- a St. Genevieve captain! If I have to learn this to be a good captain then by the stars I will!" She adds firmly, "And I already know there's never been a lady captain for our house -- I intend to be the first if necessary, so there! So don't try to talk me out of it!"
Dimitri softly growls, "She's got her mind set, Carroll. I wouldn't stand in her way." Alex nods once sharply, bristling with determination.
Carroll looks at his sister oddly. He then laughs, and murrs, "Alex! If I didn't want you to be a captain, you wouldn't be here as first mate. You are a captain now; all that has to happen is for me to die. In our current situation that isn't that difficult to imagine." He shakes his head and adds, "I spent hours trying to get Father to bring you out as his mate, instead of me. He read it as 'Carroll wants his own ship,' which wasn't particularly true. You need to be here. This is where you belong."
Alex opens her mouth to retort hotly -- then blinks as Carroll's words register. She blinks again, her fur settling, as she thinks... then says puzzledly, "Why would I want you to die, Carroll? That would make Dimitri heir, and I don't think he wants that at all... wait... you tried to convince Daddy too?!" In slow confusion she adds, "But... if we were all trying to get him to let me do this..." She falls silent, thinking furiously... then looks up with an aghast expression, "Oh, barnacles! He didn't have someone in mind for some horrible old political marriage or anything, did he?!"
Dimitri lifts his muzzle at that, Me? Heir? No! Then he looks at Carroll over her head and shakes his head back and forth, Change the subject! Now!
Carroll looks oddly at Alex, and then at Dimitri. He cocks his head and grins at his brother, expecting to confound his sister with it. Looking back to her he murrs, "I didn't suggest you wanted me to die. I said that's all it would take, Alex. A trifling. Are you ready?" He looks at her steadily, adding, "As to a marriage, I have no idea what he wanted. I have to wonder if it wasn't more that you were his one and only precious little girl. To be blunt," he murrs, "-he could spare a son or two, but you were his only daughter."
Alex glowers at Carroll, not sure what's going on but sure she's missing something she doesn't want to miss... "What's so funny?!" Carroll shrugs, and looks to his brother to explain. Alex gets a highly suspicious look, glancing back and forth between her obviously conspiring brothers!
Once again, Dimitri just gives Carroll a look. Carroll, the one who usually has the words, waits patiently for his brother to explain. Alex says, "WHAT?!"
His words are slow, as if he's trying to think rapidly and not doing too good a job at it, "It... it..." Dimitri then smiles, his stance becoming a bit more disciplined and military. "It would be compromising the honor and trust of a Lady."
Alex gives Dimitri a disgusted look, "Oh, right... telling me what Daddy's planning would compromise the honor of a lady." She scowls at Carroll, then glowers at Dimitri, "Well you can tell that lady this for me -- I don't care WHO her stupid son is, I am NOT marrying the twerp, and I don't care WHAT Daddy says!" She folds her arms and looks mutinous... then snaps at Carroll, "And that goes for you too!"
Carroll murrs, "I'm not privy to his ideas regarding your future." He looks away and adds, "He knew too well what my feeling were on what you should be doing."
Dimitri nods quietly and serenely, a true glint of mischief in his eyes, "Actually that's very good..." He shrugs, "He didn't think too much of you, either." Carroll's eyebrows go up now.
Alex blinks, her ears snapping up in shock, then snaps, "Then he's obviously lacking in good manners too! If Daddy likes him so much... Daddy can marry him!"